Hey everyone, welcome to the second edition of The Mirror. Before we get into it I just wanted to shoutout all the amazing positive feedback I received from my last post, Systems Over Goals. It received over 200 views (still counting) and I received so many encouraging messages, comments, and general feedback that motivated me to keep this going. Big shout out to my fans. This week we’re taking an alternate look at forgiveness.
You die every 11 months
There’s an interesting thought experiment that I’m sure you’ve heard of at some point called the Ship of Theseus.
Suppose a famous ship sailed by the hero Theseus was kept in a harbor, and as the years went by some of the wooden parts began to rot and were replaced by new ones; then, after a century or so, every part had been replaced. The question then is if the "restored" ship is still the same object as the original.
There are a few interesting parallels to go off of here. Suppose you think that the restored ship is different from the original, at what point exactly does it become different? When there’s one part left to replace? Two? At what point do you call it?
Also, if you think that it’s the same ship, let’s assume you somehow refurbished all the old rotted parts. With these now “furnished” new parts, you build an entirely new replica of the ship. Which then, is the original one? Or are there now two copies?
Take your time and really think about this before moving on, the ideas are important for the rest of the article.
Why forgive?
In 2014, the Seattle Seahawks won the Super Bowl. For those of you that may be unfamiliar, after a NFL team wins the Super Bowl they host a victory parade in the city and everyone shows up. To this day, I honestly think if i could redo anything i would skip a day of high school to go watch this parade.
If you’re anything like me, you probably have more than a few moments in your life that you wish you could handle differently. Also if you’re anything like me, by replaying this decision in your head you magnify the feeling far worse than what it is. I believe that forgiveness is the final step in accepting and moving on from whatever is bringing you down. It allows you to process your mental burdens and accept the future wholeheartedly. Not only forgiveness for others, but most importantly forgiveness for yourself.
Theseus take the wheel
Here’s a framework for thinking about this that’s helped me a lot. Except for your central nervous system, your body pretty much completely replaces most cells around every 11 months (premeds don’t @ me). At what point are you a completely new person? If you are particularly astute, you may begin to notice some parallels from above. I don’t want to answer this question for you but you should see that no matter which side you think is true, the following still holds:
If you still hold yourself guilty over circumstances* that happened > 11 months ago guess what,
You are condemning an innocent man.
That person who made the mistake no longer exists in the way that you think of them. This applies both to yourself, and to others. Even if you are the most self centered person on earth, it still benefits you to forgive others, holding onto resentment only hurts yourself. That is why it is important to forgive and forget as soon as possible.
How do I know if I’ve completely forgiven?
A quick way to check if you’ve completely forgiven is to apply the forgiveness acid test (not that kind of acid). I want you for a brief moment to hold the image of someone in your head who you haven’t fully forgiven. This could be yourself or someone else. Now, can you (out loud) wish this person success and happiness in whatever they do. Can you genuinely wish them the best life and pursuit of whatever is meaningful for them?
The first time I tried doing this I struggled to get the words out. I think you’ll notice that the day you can do this authentically, is the day you truly forgive.
Its hard to forgive
Now I realize that some of us have had really terrible circumstances and had to deal with generational conflicts that haven’t fully subsided. It’s definitely hard to forgive in these situations, and at the same time I believe that victim mentality only makes it harder. Onwards and upwards - s.
*by the fact you’re not in jail it probably wasn’t a big deal
As always, I love to hear your feedback. Please email me at sahil.substack@gmail.com or message me.
Sahil.... thank you so much for these thoughtful perspectives.... I will be passing this along to family, friends and clients... I am so impressed with your growth!!! Please keep it up! The world needs your wisdom🌟🌻